Marriage takes a lot of work. People change countless times and in countless ways over the course of their lives. When you marry someone you are offering to acclimate yourself to the constant changing of the other person. You are vowing that you will learn the evolving person he/she will become - how and what (s)he thinks, understands, needs, wants, expects, desires, feels, needs accountability for, their weaknesses, strengths, vices, tendencies, hang-ups, failures, successes, hopes, dreams, goals, and the evolving call of God on their life - and how you can best relate to and care for that new person. You are vowing to spend the rest of your life doing that over and over again. It takes a profound level of care, maturity and selflessness to live up to that vow. All the while, YOU are changing. And your circumstances are changing. And the people and places around you are changing.
Dating is an incredible opportunity to let God teach you an introductory course on how to become the kind of caring, mature and selfless person that your particular future spouse needs while experiencing change together over the course of time. You owe it to your future spouse/lover/friend/co-parent to take the time to become the person who can best care for him/her. You may want to rush that. (S)he may want to rush it. But if you genuinely desire to provide a lasting, loving, healthy and resilient relationship for the other person - if you genuinely want to not cause that person heartache down the road - you must be mature enough to put on the breaks, to take the time to let God mold you and mature you into the best spouse/friend/lover you can be for the person you love. Thats how you know your love is eternal. Thats the fruit of the vine of eternal love. Your ability to do that - to take the time to grow because thats what you both need, instead of hurrying up and getting married because that's what you most urgently want - that is what will make your love resilient and your marriage strong enough to last.
Rambling over.
When you write your book, I call dibs on being your editor. You're so great!
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Then then then I call dibs on your bio blip on the back cover!! AND on the font. AND the cover art.
ReplyDeleteThanks, This is really helpful. It's easy to want to rush things and it's scary because marriage is the last thing you want to rush. It's supposed to be for life, and any decision that has that finality should be considered with the highest care.
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