So far our journey through Lent has turned from a sprint to a crawl. On Fat Tuesday, Jeff commented on our poor eating habits which launched us into the concept of fasting for Lent. Momentary enthusiasm overtook thoughtfulness, busyness begot neglect, we failed to talk through the plan of fasting TOGETHER and we jumped from the nest before the egg hatched. Turns out eggs don't fly. Or at least, not for long and the landing isn't pretty.
Day 1: Fail. Painful awakening to the experience of hunger. Had all the potential in the world to be meaningful but honestly, we were just trying to survive our bodies' revolt so the meaning was lost on us.
Day 2: Fail. And success. Repeat of day 1 but we finished the day reading from a prayer guide. Prayer, psalm, scripture, reflection, hymn, prayer. It was an intense time of meeting God together. Intense and beautiful.
Days 3-10: Yo-yo. We've had to regroup several times. Altered the "rules," reconsidered the guiding purpose and goals, talked through logistics and failures together. It's been good and bad and really difficult to see the good through the bad.
Lessons: I know my body is a temple but I don't genuinely believe that or I wouldn't treat it the way I do. I know the resources and food available to me are a gift but I don't treat them with care. I have dependency on food for mood elevation that simply isn't healthy and I have significant room for growth when it comes to discipline. Also, I really don't like Indian food.
Accomplishments: We stopped throwing out food needlessly. I do not cook a dinner meal if there are still leftovers from the previous. We eat less and are still alive. We talk about our eating habits; failures and successes. We think about the food we eat.
Goals: To know God more and in a new way, enlightened by our experience with fasting but not wholly relying on it. To spend time together intentionally praying, worshiping, reflecting and studying God's word. To improve our eating habits, to do well with the resources and bodies God has entrusted to us. To care. And to lighten up.
What now: I have to be honest, I don't think we are going to see this thing through. God has been moving powerfully in our lives and circumstances recently. He's also set himself up to move even more powerfully in our immediate future. We are actively and excitedly waiting on him and engaging with him. But this year it feels as though our plans for Lent are distracting us from God's plans for this season. We are wading through how to handle that. At this point the simplest answer is to stop the distracting behavior and focus instead on what God already started. I wouldn't be surprised at all if one of the lessons God is trying to teach us is how to land.
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